We're Going to Haiti/Our First Meeting

We're Going to Haiti!!!

We got the email that we have been 2 out of 10 people chosen to go and we are so over joyed to have the opportunity to go to Haiti.   We don't exactly know what we will be doing when we go but our hearts are being prepared as each day goes by. Preparing our hearts to serve the people of Haiti, to loving them well, to sharing our stories, but most of all to hearing their stories and connecting and making relationships with the people of Haiti and in doing so that they will see the Love of God and we will see the Love of God through them and all around the people of Haiti.  

Our first Meeting was January 16 where we were able to meet the team; some of the people we have never met and then there were some we knew.  All a Sweetly Beautiful Team/Body. I look forward to getting to know each and every one of them and their stories as we prepare as a whole to go to Haiti.  Our first meeting consisted of sharing a little bit about our selves ... I was completely flustered stumbling and fumbling all words nerves, excitement and skipping every other word because my mind was trying to go in  overdrive and get it all out there ... got a bit of a chuckle and was able to continue.  Our Team Leader is Tracy C whose heart is welcoming and inviting, Co-Leader Kerry G. though she was missed at the first meeting we will get to hear her heart and her stories because she has just arrived back from Haiti, and the rest of the team is Melissa F whose heart is of gold she is genuine kind and just a Sweetly Beautiful Sister in Christ, Julie H who is also a Sweetly Beautiful Lady who has a compassionate heart with warmth and love to give, Me, my husband Ben whose a one of a kindhearted Man of God with such wisdom and strength that is so compassionate and easy to be around, Ryan S who was also missed but is true genuine kind loving who is funny and great to be around, Tyler G who is a man of worship kind spirited and great to be around as well, Chris L. who has an eye for photography and heart for missions.  It is so cool how God hand picked each one of us as a piece of the puzzle. Our next meeting is January 30th and we get to continue to grow as a body.

As the preparations take momentum we ask for God to equip us with the tools, His Truth, Love, Guidance, Wisdom, Protection, Understanding, Prayer and Financial Support for He is our Provider and we Put Our Trust in Him. To become more disciplined daily and obedient to Gods Truth; through prayer, seeking Him, journaling and trusting with complete Faith.To begin to strengthen ourselves as  individuals and as a body. For us to pray for the people we will soon meet and give us the opportunity to share the Love of God and also for us to see the Love of God who is already there doing His work.

We don't know exactly what we will be doing but the possibilities are anywhere from VBS opportunities, Building/Construction opportunities, and being apart of a making difference. To Sharing, Laughing, Doing Life, and Hearing their stories and hearts.

I am forever Grateful for the opportunity that God has given myself and Ben to go Haiti. For God you are Author and we get to unravel our story that You Lord have already written for us ... For You will be Glorified and Exalted before we even step foot in Haiti ... For You Go Before Us All!!!

"and provide for those who grieve in Zion-- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor." Isa 61:3

Sweet Sweet Smiles ;>)

Fall Season 2010 Small Group

This Fall Season during small group has been truly amazing...Where to begin?

I am forever grateful for the opportunity of being an apprentice this season to a with a Sweetly Beautiful Leader Julia K. whom I Love Dearly a Sister in Christ.  Thank you Lord Almighty for the Sweetly Beautiful Ladies that you brought into Julia and I's small group. At first I had so many anxious thoughts running through my head at the beginning of the first night but as soon as I walked into the room that we would be doing life with one another and Experiencing God as Sisters in Christ.  We have had many memories that will last a life time with lots of love given, laughs had, sweet tears shed, and all the unique stories we experienced as individuals and as a body. I personally learned a lot this season from each and everyone of the ladies, though some came and went I learned a lot from each of them.  We were able to lift one another up with prayer, words of affirmation, encouragement and in Truth.  We were able to dive deep into some great Truth and ask some questions that some may think never to ask or even have the courage to ask. But we were all able to hear with open hearts and eyes to see the truth.  I have never been more proud of these ladies, they let walls down and were able to share there hearts.  We definitely enjoyed the testimony sleepover each of their stories were Sweetly Beautiful and to see God through each step, each laugh, each tear He Truly was There and every situation. Each story was a Story of Redemption, Victory, Healing, Restoration, Accomplishment, Worth, An Emptiness Made Whole....A Reflection of where they had been and where they are going...It only gets better with God as there Foundation. 
The things that I learned from these ladies was so encouraging. I learned to what it means to truly seek God when doubt seeps in, how to truly surrender and let go of me being in control and letting God take the Reigns, to loving Him first to then loving myself to loving others well, to forgiving another, the meaning of serving someone other than myself, to letting go of the selfishness that always tries to take reigns in my life, to even leading another its not always what you say but what your actions are, what your reaction is, to even how you treat your family.
As the season was ending I had the question continue to linger within as to how easy is it to love a complete stranger well and to how much work it takes to love the closest people to you. Love is a Choice. I Choose to Love as how God chose to love me. He loves me at my worst and my best. What an Amazing God I have. I am truly blessed to have a relationship with Him who gave me laugh and is continuing to write my story and loving the adventure of finding out what has been written.
I am forever changed and truly blessed to have been apart of an amazing Sweetly Beautiful Group.
My Heart is overwhelmed with emotion. Thank you So much to all of these Sweetly Beautiful Ladies
Julia K., Alex G, Sarah R, Lauren W, Sarah W, Lindsy V, Abbey S, Ashley S, Becca O, Collen O', Leah C, Mariela J
Thank You Sweet Heavenly Father for each of them and their hearts. I am forever grateful!!!

A Voice

My Hearts Breaks,

Breaks for those that are lost running the other direction into arms of drugs, alcohol, guys, hate, anger, pushing those that  care about them away; to only be isolated and alone, trapped in their own suffering trying to fight their way out to only go deeper into a dark and cold dungeon with no warmth no love no security no comfort no effort no willingness...destruction. It really tears my heart to listen to story after story of the brokenness and how lost those can get. Thinking they are running into safety and a blanket of protection or a self medicating protection or a blanket to repel others away with or a blanket of thinking that this is a way to be loved by another. Or those that are broken who are that once had their innocence to only be stolen by another and not by their choice and to have their voice taken from them. Stripped of who they were by not their choice, but by another's hands, by their words, by their actions, by their abandonment. They have lost  their identity and replaced it with rejection, defeat, unworthy, betrayed, taken advantage of, shattered, shamed, guilty, deserted...My Heart Breaks and ask myself Why? Why does this happen not only to the  victim, but by the person that is doing this, "what happened to them, what made them do this as well?"

My heart continues to break for those that are the victims and those that do the cruel and harsh things that people just don't want to see or even talk about and what goes on maybe even at their neighbors house. It breaks my heart to look at the children's eyes and just see brokenness and have experienced things that at that age they can never even wrap their eyes around not alone their emotions. Or figure out that their voice and choice that they have has been taken from them at  a young age or at any age for that matter.

In this spiraling downward spiral of being victims we have a choice to voice and  encourage those that feel stripped of their voice that they can stand firm and Voice their hearts cry. To not be quiet and let a day go by where this isn't being talked about and making others aware that it does go on at your next door neighbors, it happened to the little child at the grocery store, the little child at the park, the little child on the baseball field, on the soccer field, the little child in the bleachers, the child in the car next to you....It happens to more neighbors in your neighborhood, next door, in your town, city, state inside the United States as much as it happens outside of the country or just maybe in your family.  It just isn't spoken about, because some don't want to admit it or be blinded by it because one may feel it's better to not see it so you don't become affected by what goes on.

We all have voices and all want to be heard so why not help Voice your Heart for those that haven't yet or just don't know how to because they never knew that they have one. A VOICE!!!

I have the privilege of working at the front office for a psychologist who works with the young and love to see the transformation that takes place from their first visit to the ones after to overcoming and walking through the trenches that most of us may never go through but to see them transform and grow to hear and know that they have A Voice!!!  When they walk in the building and am greeted with a smile and can see in their eyes that they feel safe and a place of comfort to be themselves. To when she walks out to greet the child to have them run to her and give her a hug and can't wait to tell her about what they did that day and enjoy the time they have while they are there. 

I am so honored and grateful that God provided me with this job and the opportunity to be a part of an environment (because I am the person that greets the children and parents first prior to seeing her) to make sure they feel welcomed with no judgements.
And after meeting with her, they have help expressing their Voice in a healthy way!!

A Voice!!!!

"I am going to be her apprentice"

The Season for a Sweetly Beautiful Group Handpicked by God to unite together as Sisters in Christ!
My heart leaps and dances within as I got the text from Julia to tell me that "I am going to be her Apprentice"... Many thoughts have ran through my head seasons before that I wonder what it would look like for me to apprentice and lead a group of ladies that are so eager to learn just as much as I want too. I finally get the opportunity to do just that. Julia as the Leader and myself as her apprentice. 
I am forever grateful and yet terrified at the same time  with being nervous of talking in front of people (yeah I know I am a social butterfly, but it's nerve racking just the same; with thoughts of will they like me, will they understand me or even I don't know a lot, I am going to say it wrong or all eyes towards me and they are listening to what I have to say "what will they do with what I have said" ,etc.). I have realized that this is getting in the way of me  doing God's work and it is getting in the way of sharing all God has done and continues to do for me, my family and others.  Yet this verse helps me  and is tattooed to my heart "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you" (1Peter 5:7) Fears are nasty they always get in the way of doing Gods work ... Fears can leave you paralyzed and uncomfortable. But with  these verses tattooed to my heart "You , O Lord keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light. With your help I can advance against a troop, with my God I can scale a wall"
(Psalm 18:28-29)
Anything is Possible with God!!!
My Hearts desire is to gain more knowledge and truth of who God is and How he has uniquely touched each and every lady that we meet and connect with during this season.
"By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures" (Proverbs 24:3-4)
The treasure is relationships: Relationship with God, Relationship with Sisters in Christ...Plain old Relationships!! While building relationships with one another we will be able to share our life experiences,  how we have Experienced God in our lives and also  how we as a body can Experience God Together in a safe and comfortable environment where what we share is not taken outside the walls of our group. It will be a place where we can Share, Love, Laugh, Cry, Grow, Trust, Gain Knowledge and Understanding...Experience all these together with God at the core of each in everyone us and all around.

Looking forward to the  Sweetly Beautiful Women that I get to Experience God With!!

Clutter

Clutter: a confused or disorder state or collection, to fill or spread over in a disorderly manner, to make disorderly or hard to use by filling or covering with objects...

The day ended as I turned the light off in the bedroom and I tossed and turned and nuzzled my way into that perfect position or so I thought to only realize that my mind was going on another adventure to a world of clutter to a person's clutter in ones house and the difference of the clutter within it is not at all different then just that. Clutter
At the beginning of a new day I rise to wake to only realize that the pile of clothes that I had left in the corner is still there staring right back at me. To only say that I will get to you in a minute. To then walk down the hallway where I turn into the bathroom to stare at the mirror and say "seriously take a look at yourself your pitiful" to only soak it up and get ready for the day the best that I can. As I walk back out of the bedroom, passing by the pile of clothes which I added several new items to the pile after trying to find something to wear, to only realize that in the kitchen the dishes that are left in the sink from last nights dinner.
Though there are moments of cleaning house do we really clean house or do we do the minimal to one's eyes can see. To only go back to the cycle of the clutter and get into a routine of doing a half fast job of cleaning house.
As I embarked on the adventure my mind and deep within me, I realized that maybe the two where connected in more ways than one. Maybe one's pile of clothes that is sitting in a corner waiting to be put in its proper place is as the talk in the mirror was a reflection of the clothes in the corner and the dishes in the sink.
Taking care of one's body is to taking care of one's home they are both the same. To really feel nourished, taken care of, healthy is at times stressful. The stress of trying to look a certain way not feeling beautiful … unattractive. For awhile I felt I was beautiful and attractive but at this moment I don't, I had let go of myself. No matter the constant compliment that others give it doesn't ring truth from within. What happened? How I once felt beautiful it feels like a fix and not truth. I lost the rhythm of the song of truth as each word changes to clutter clutter clutter ugly ugly ugly fat fat fat gross gross gross...This is what is constantly in my mind though deep within I can feel the struggle of the truth trying to fight it's way to the top to overflow and radiate within ... out. I get one step forward of hearing that truth to only get pushed back, fall down and I just want to give up the fight at times. Why is that? It’s so much easier to give in and not fight back. Have you ever felt weak and no strength in any fiber of your being?
As one may think that they have no strength, I am being reminded of my strength which is in God, it comes from Him The Lord Almighty.
As I have been in this place of clutter this season...There is a picture perfect image staring at me as I enter my home...
The dishes piled, the table as if it were a place to hold onto all things except dinner, the bathroom with hair products on the counter, the towels waiting to be placed properly in there storage place, the bedroom one shirt after the other in several piles; some even color coded awaiting to be picked up, yet they only get picked up to be tried on to be taken off to only be thrown on the bed or in the opposite direction of the washing machine.
The word that is becoming louder in my head as I can see the word becoming Bolder and LARGER...ASK!!
Ask, What? "Heather you can't get this clutter cleaned up on your own, your needing help" SO I begin to wonder what that may look like, I could easily go and ask Ben for help and his help would be appreciated, but I have this tendency of when he does help, I go back over what he did, realizing that he placed something not its proper place, well the place that I believe to be its proper place. Why is that? Why do we tend to think that it can only be done one way only? We are two individuals yet still in the process of becoming one reminding oneself that we have different ways of doing things. We are still in the early stages of marriage haven't yet the year mark, but close...It comes with communication and understanding and speaking to one another with a loving heart and not a nagging heart.
Another thought is that I don't want to bother him (although I know I am not a bother, it's a thought that runs through my mind). So at times I don't even Ask him in fear of rejection. So I hide behind this fear, fear of rejection, and never to give him the opportunity to answer the question, Will you help me clean up this clutter?
It's at this moment I am asking the wrong person to help me clean up this clutter, remove the clutter, and even seed the clutter. I can't just clear away or clear off the clutter that is just removing from one's sight and not truly removing or disposing of the clutter.
This clutter I speak of is believing the lies of ugliness, not letting go, not confessing, blaming, gossiping, not forgiving, being selfish, getting my wants and not my needs.
I run to the Lord the one who will help me replace the lies of ugliness with truth that he finds me beautiful, He uses others to tell me I am beautiful. To let go and place before His feet, to not pick up. To confess to strip the pieces of clothing that is weighing me and not freeing me, the clothing that is as an elastic band cutting off circulation. To really walk blameless to not passing the blames on others and owning my blame. To remind one self not to gossip, to treat others as you would want to be treated. Giving the gift of Forgiveness as I was given. To not be selfish, share and give, to not hold up for one's self. To know that the wants are not what I am needing...
The Need is the One and Only By my side, The One of who Paid it All, The One That has Forgiven, The One Who is My Beloved, The One Who has Redeemed Me, Delivered Me...The One That Continues to Pursue me and Call Me Beautiful.
Lord Almighty I sit here crying out to be filled with the truth. To be filled with certainty of who You see me as and no other. Lord as well I sit here to be blanketed with protection and the help to drive out the ugly lies that I have listened to and have held onto instead of never picking those lies. Lord I lay down at your feet the lies that I have held onto for the past few months. Lord I know with you here I can do anything.
Lord Almighty, help me dispose of the seeds of lies that have been placed within, not just from sight but seed (remove) those lies and replace with seeds of Truth.

I ask you this, what are the things that Clutter your home, your heart?

Marriage a Relationship: you can never truly grasp, "The whole muse in the canvas until you are the muse in the canvas"

So I was sitting with my brothers and cousin the other night and we got on the topic of me writing and such...and the question that has ignited a fuse within to write since I haven't really written anything after the wedding. This is where I begin...
Being married, at one time it was a thought, a glimpse of what could be, looking at a picture of someone else's wedding photo,  a photo of a husband and wife. And I was like I want that but didn't really know why but deep within danced flutterly and rang truth to the core of my being.

It dawned on me...I remembered seeing a husband and wife a mother and a father...and I was like I want to be that A wife to a husband I want to be a mother to kids. I want a family of my own.  Those were thoughts dreams when I was a child.  I grew up and my thoughts and dreams as a young girl have actually started to come true.

I am a wife to a wonderful amazing husband, who gets me, who laughs with me and at times at me (which I get why, I even crack myself up at times) anywho...we can be real with one another, we can listen to one another and speak to one another.  Yeah at times we get annoyed frustrated with one another but we have to take a step back and remember we are on the same team and not at opposite sides of the boxing ring....though at times we have snap shots of us putting boxing gloves on our fists and having ones face on the other side...haha just kidding, thats what he said...(Grin) 

We are in a new chapter of our lives in our marriage with one another of understanding how each other works, what buttons to push what buttons not to push.  I always thought only my brothers could push my buttons but I have realized that is indeed not true.  Pushing each others buttons is a way we get to see how one another reacts. Reactions are somewhat intriguing. Oh yeah everyone reacts the same to all situations...Not.  We all react differently.  It's just the same when asked "What is Normal?"  Normal to someone might be some one elses crazy.

I Love that everyday is a new one and everyday there is a new reaction.  We have a choice on how we react and how we want to react. React out of Compassion, out of Love, out of Fear, out of Hurt...we react to our emotions.  I have recently experienced the reaction when one doesn't have a filter....didn't have a filter the other night which at the moment didn't think anything of it but soon was made aware of the unfiltered mouth that I had, had.  Though I have realized of the unfilteration of ones mouth can bring others hurt, anger, pain, a reaction but one learns to filter before speaking. It brings me to this:

I was watching a show the other day and a phrase was said, "that you may be able to ask for forgiveness but one may not give it...why? Forgiveness is a Gift." Though I may ask for forgiveness from Ben he may forgive me, he may not, that's not for me to decide.  It brought me to a lesson that I was taught during my Innerhealing group  that I did...that our teacher said to us that forgiveness can be given to someone though you don't have to tell them but you can truly forgive someone without telling them.  Not saying that it is ever circumstance there are times where you need to verbally tell the other person that they have been forgiven and why you forgive them. So it started me going on this what if he never he told me I was forgiven...oh my I would go crazy was my first thought, I will have to confront him was the next.  Then I took a breathe and during my time of processing through this and bringing it to God  and ask God's forgiveness first then for Ben to forgive me; I was told to not do anything, but be in the area but not to poke and try to strike a conversation with him.  I did just that, wow obeying, though I was feeling tormented because he wasn't talking to me.  I had asked God if he could allow me to feel and be put in his shoes and he did just that I felt the hurt the anger...it was agony to feel the hurt I had caused, I wanted so quickly to tend to his hurt, but I was to wait.

God thank you for being here with us, with him, with me..Thank You Lord!!  Bringing and placing it all at your feet is at times hard to do, but it is Well Worth It!!  As I was obedient, I was forgiven, Ben came and we talked, mostly I listened and then I responded...I realized that I wanted him to forgive me but needed to forgive myself as well.   Ben had forgiven me and we worked through the pain, the hurt.With God being our guide as we walked throught those hurts and pains we were able to mend and tend to the wounds together.Through this we have realized and learned that it is making the foundation of  Our Marriage a Stronger and More Firmer Foundation when God is at the Center at the Core of Our Marriage.

During these  months of being newlyweds.. we have really understood and have experienced ;and continue to experience what it truly means to be married. 

I Love being Married to my Best Friend Ben...Wouldn't want any other to have these experiences with and go on  this journey of discovering new things about one another and fall more and more in love with the man that has won my heart and continues to win my heart.

Sweet Sweet Smiles ;>)

Vulnerability...Heart Opened

Wow...Vulnerability...heart opened...although being vulnerable first thing in the morning can flow many ways...sweet, joyful, peaceful, loved, sad, angry, anxious, doubtful...the days that I wake up in an unpleasant mood is never fun...i notice that my first reaction especially if someone is talking to me is unattached...not focused...short..annoyed...i then have to take a few steps back and realize that no one put me in that mood and so i retreat within, maybe not retreat from the room pursue, but have to retreat and gather my thoughts grasp on the            

mood, the fruit, and start from the top and travel down the root of the fruit...while on that process of finding out        the truth of the fruit...its unexplainable but i will give it a whorl...while on that process there is a questions...and what do questions lead you too...which is truth and  i absolutely love questions getting to know the answer, the Truth...

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.” Matthew 7:7-8

... So Sweet This Is..

...so the questions I ask myself are:

Why am I feeling the way I am feeling? What was the trigger? How did I get to this place? 

when asking these questions i find myself from within opening as light is shinning bright warming up those areas, that as i am exploring every inch of the root or roots of my mood, at times maybe its one root of a fruit but most of the time its the deepest root of the fruit that is in the depths

...as i can notice my heart being opened i am aware of my vulnerability and i then am able to find the truth find the end to the root...now at times when getting  rid of a root you pull it however I have found that yeah the roots pulled “i am happy go-lucky girl”..sike...not even close..so with questioning why am i feeling this way? i find out what seed was planted  it can be any seed...a seed of: loneliness, bitterness, guilt, anger, doubt, fear, anxiousness, unresolved issues, not forgiving...whatever it maybe it grows if you don’t tend to the seed because it was planted but its what you do with it when you notice that it has fallen do you just bury it deeper or do you take that seed and shower it with truth with understanding and keep showering with truth tending to the seed of which it may be...when discovering what the seed is...is key to the root and you can begin to tend and take care and in seasons to come it will bloom into the redemption of where you once were and are able to share with others.

So others are able to tend to their seeds that were planted prior to truth, after stumbling...Diving into the Depths of God’s Heart and building a Relationship with Him is a Sweetly Intimate Way of Him showing Us How He Works and the Tools He Gives us is Awesome to unravel and able to figure out.

       So from the beginning from this excerpt was the thought “oh Sweet Mornings its amazing how in the morning as i wake i feel more vulnerable, my heart opened...So Sweet You Are My Creator!! Why Is That?”

So I have this to say after processing through these thoughts and As i end i have to say at the beginning of this I wanted to get the thought of how sweet and opened and vulnerable i was feeling and it was a sweet vulnerability  of love and warmth and  as i am writing i am  reminded and in reflection of how i got to where i am and able to use the tools that i have been given and also share with others what God has and is Doing within me.