Diving In!

Sleep can’t do that every toss and turn is aggravating irritating…I am going stir crazy and yet no stirring is occurring. Changes have brewing yet I am not really sure what I am stirring them with…I feel as the utensils I have been given aren’t being used properly. I know its in this time of not knowing how to use the tools that I have learned that the tools need to be revamped livened up…I know at times I am just waiting looking around the corner to see what will happen…I know I should have that “dive right in mentality” though one of my deepest fears is literally diving I have tried but never have succeeded in diving…I chicken out I freeze I turn and walk off the diving board or sit on the edge of the pool and ease my way into the pool.

Why is that? Though I see others as it is a natural everyday thing diving in that is to the pool.
I know that there is other ways of diving in though it seems I have forgotten how to do just that…taking that jump that leap I tell myself to jump and its as though I can’t bend my legs and push off with my feet and take flight on air if only for a second and then will be back on solid ground or a pool of water...

I have a picture in my head of a girl standing at the pool on the edge with her toes dangling off the edge staring at the water (her mind wandering how she was going to get into that pool) many times before she stood at that same position to only place one foot at a time in the water and sitting at the ledge for a moment or two and sliding in.

She thought to herself next time it will be different I will dive or do something similar to a dive. Though it is terrifying and nerve wrecking she must do it…so does she.
She battles in her thoughts within where no one can hear them but herself…wrestles down the truths…the questions that stirred within her “how will you feel after diving in?”, what will you remember from this moment?” did you change the utensils you use?

Though the real question I ask is Where Are You? This question I learned to ask that in moments like this in my inner healing class…Where can I see Him, Isn’t He right there, what is He doing, and my Response is, “Yes He is There right here by my side, right there at the top of the wall with Arms reaching out to me….This He I speak of Is He who is Unfailing, He who is my Provider, He who is my Comforter, He who is my Arms to Rest In, He who is Love, He who is Amazing, He who is the Lord Almighty, My Sweet Heavenly Father, My Redeemer…

For its at this moment that I know that I can dive in (may not look like the best dive but it’s the dive I feel I can dive) which is me standing on the ledge of the pool where I then get a running start where my heels lift off the concrete my arches of my feet can only feel air and my toes are the last to push off the ground where my legs go to my chest, my arms go around them and I jump into the pool making the biggest splash that I can possibly make…You know what I realized is that it doesn’t matter how you literally dive in… its about Diving into your fears leaving it behind…Letting Go of your Fears and placing them at His Feet.