Being married, at one time it was a thought, a glimpse of what could be, looking at a picture of someone else's wedding photo, a photo of a husband and wife. And I was like I want that but didn't really know why but deep within danced flutterly and rang truth to the core of my being.
It dawned on me...I remembered seeing a husband and wife a mother and a father...and I was like I want to be that A wife to a husband I want to be a mother to kids. I want a family of my own. Those were thoughts dreams when I was a child. I grew up and my thoughts and dreams as a young girl have actually started to come true.
I am a wife to a wonderful amazing husband, who gets me, who laughs with me and at times at me (which I get why, I even crack myself up at times) anywho...we can be real with one another, we can listen to one another and speak to one another. Yeah at times we get annoyed frustrated with one another but we have to take a step back and remember we are on the same team and not at opposite sides of the boxing ring....though at times we have snap shots of us putting boxing gloves on our fists and having ones face on the other side...haha just kidding, thats what he said...(Grin)
We are in a new chapter of our lives in our marriage with one another of understanding how each other works, what buttons to push what buttons not to push. I always thought only my brothers could push my buttons but I have realized that is indeed not true. Pushing each others buttons is a way we get to see how one another reacts. Reactions are somewhat intriguing. Oh yeah everyone reacts the same to all situations...Not. We all react differently. It's just the same when asked "What is Normal?" Normal to someone might be some one elses crazy.
I Love that everyday is a new one and everyday there is a new reaction. We have a choice on how we react and how we want to react. React out of Compassion, out of Love, out of Fear, out of Hurt...we react to our emotions. I have recently experienced the reaction when one doesn't have a filter....didn't have a filter the other night which at the moment didn't think anything of it but soon was made aware of the unfiltered mouth that I had, had. Though I have realized of the unfilteration of ones mouth can bring others hurt, anger, pain, a reaction but one learns to filter before speaking. It brings me to this:
I was watching a show the other day and a phrase was said, "that you may be able to ask for forgiveness but one may not give it...why? Forgiveness is a Gift." Though I may ask for forgiveness from Ben he may forgive me, he may not, that's not for me to decide. It brought me to a lesson that I was taught during my Innerhealing group that I did...that our teacher said to us that forgiveness can be given to someone though you don't have to tell them but you can truly forgive someone without telling them. Not saying that it is ever circumstance there are times where you need to verbally tell the other person that they have been forgiven and why you forgive them. So it started me going on this what if he never he told me I was forgiven...oh my I would go crazy was my first thought, I will have to confront him was the next. Then I took a breathe and during my time of processing through this and bringing it to God and ask God's forgiveness first then for Ben to forgive me; I was told to not do anything, but be in the area but not to poke and try to strike a conversation with him. I did just that, wow obeying, though I was feeling tormented because he wasn't talking to me. I had asked God if he could allow me to feel and be put in his shoes and he did just that I felt the hurt the anger...it was agony to feel the hurt I had caused, I wanted so quickly to tend to his hurt, but I was to wait.
God thank you for being here with us, with him, with me..Thank You Lord!! Bringing and placing it all at your feet is at times hard to do, but it is Well Worth It!! As I was obedient, I was forgiven, Ben came and we talked, mostly I listened and then I responded...I realized that I wanted him to forgive me but needed to forgive myself as well. Ben had forgiven me and we worked through the pain, the hurt.With God being our guide as we walked throught those hurts and pains we were able to mend and tend to the wounds together.Through this we have realized and learned that it is making the foundation of Our Marriage a Stronger and More Firmer Foundation when God is at the Center at the Core of Our Marriage.
During these months of being newlyweds.. we have really understood and have experienced ;and continue to experience what it truly means to be married.
I Love being Married to my Best Friend Ben...Wouldn't want any other to have these experiences with and go on this journey of discovering new things about one another and fall more and more in love with the man that has won my heart and continues to win my heart.
Sweet Sweet Smiles ;>)