This Fall Season during small group has been truly amazing...Where to begin?
I am forever grateful for the opportunity of being an apprentice this season to a with a Sweetly Beautiful Leader Julia K. whom I Love Dearly a Sister in Christ. Thank you Lord Almighty for the Sweetly Beautiful Ladies that you brought into Julia and I's small group. At first I had so many anxious thoughts running through my head at the beginning of the first night but as soon as I walked into the room that we would be doing life with one another and Experiencing God as Sisters in Christ. We have had many memories that will last a life time with lots of love given, laughs had, sweet tears shed, and all the unique stories we experienced as individuals and as a body. I personally learned a lot this season from each and everyone of the ladies, though some came and went I learned a lot from each of them. We were able to lift one another up with prayer, words of affirmation, encouragement and in Truth. We were able to dive deep into some great Truth and ask some questions that some may think never to ask or even have the courage to ask. But we were all able to hear with open hearts and eyes to see the truth. I have never been more proud of these ladies, they let walls down and were able to share there hearts. We definitely enjoyed the testimony sleepover each of their stories were Sweetly Beautiful and to see God through each step, each laugh, each tear He Truly was There and every situation. Each story was a Story of Redemption, Victory, Healing, Restoration, Accomplishment, Worth, An Emptiness Made Whole....A Reflection of where they had been and where they are going...It only gets better with God as there Foundation.
The things that I learned from these ladies was so encouraging. I learned to what it means to truly seek God when doubt seeps in, how to truly surrender and let go of me being in control and letting God take the Reigns, to loving Him first to then loving myself to loving others well, to forgiving another, the meaning of serving someone other than myself, to letting go of the selfishness that always tries to take reigns in my life, to even leading another its not always what you say but what your actions are, what your reaction is, to even how you treat your family.
As the season was ending I had the question continue to linger within as to how easy is it to love a complete stranger well and to how much work it takes to love the closest people to you. Love is a Choice. I Choose to Love as how God chose to love me. He loves me at my worst and my best. What an Amazing God I have. I am truly blessed to have a relationship with Him who gave me laugh and is continuing to write my story and loving the adventure of finding out what has been written.
I am forever changed and truly blessed to have been apart of an amazing Sweetly Beautiful Group.
My Heart is overwhelmed with emotion. Thank you So much to all of these Sweetly Beautiful Ladies
Julia K., Alex G, Sarah R, Lauren W, Sarah W, Lindsy V, Abbey S, Ashley S, Becca O, Collen O', Leah C, Mariela J
Thank You Sweet Heavenly Father for each of them and their hearts. I am forever grateful!!!
12.18.2010
9.03.2010
A Voice
My Hearts Breaks,
Breaks for those that are lost running the other direction into arms of drugs, alcohol, guys, hate, anger, pushing those that care about them away; to only be isolated and alone, trapped in their own suffering trying to fight their way out to only go deeper into a dark and cold dungeon with no warmth no love no security no comfort no effort no willingness...destruction. It really tears my heart to listen to story after story of the brokenness and how lost those can get. Thinking they are running into safety and a blanket of protection or a self medicating protection or a blanket to repel others away with or a blanket of thinking that this is a way to be loved by another. Or those that are broken who are that once had their innocence to only be stolen by another and not by their choice and to have their voice taken from them. Stripped of who they were by not their choice, but by another's hands, by their words, by their actions, by their abandonment. They have lost their identity and replaced it with rejection, defeat, unworthy, betrayed, taken advantage of, shattered, shamed, guilty, deserted...My Heart Breaks and ask myself Why? Why does this happen not only to the victim, but by the person that is doing this, "what happened to them, what made them do this as well?"
My heart continues to break for those that are the victims and those that do the cruel and harsh things that people just don't want to see or even talk about and what goes on maybe even at their neighbors house. It breaks my heart to look at the children's eyes and just see brokenness and have experienced things that at that age they can never even wrap their eyes around not alone their emotions. Or figure out that their voice and choice that they have has been taken from them at a young age or at any age for that matter.
In this spiraling downward spiral of being victims we have a choice to voice and encourage those that feel stripped of their voice that they can stand firm and Voice their hearts cry. To not be quiet and let a day go by where this isn't being talked about and making others aware that it does go on at your next door neighbors, it happened to the little child at the grocery store, the little child at the park, the little child on the baseball field, on the soccer field, the little child in the bleachers, the child in the car next to you....It happens to more neighbors in your neighborhood, next door, in your town, city, state inside the United States as much as it happens outside of the country or just maybe in your family. It just isn't spoken about, because some don't want to admit it or be blinded by it because one may feel it's better to not see it so you don't become affected by what goes on.
We all have voices and all want to be heard so why not help Voice your Heart for those that haven't yet or just don't know how to because they never knew that they have one. A VOICE!!!
I have the privilege of working at the front office for a psychologist who works with the young and love to see the transformation that takes place from their first visit to the ones after to overcoming and walking through the trenches that most of us may never go through but to see them transform and grow to hear and know that they have A Voice!!! When they walk in the building and am greeted with a smile and can see in their eyes that they feel safe and a place of comfort to be themselves. To when she walks out to greet the child to have them run to her and give her a hug and can't wait to tell her about what they did that day and enjoy the time they have while they are there.
I am so honored and grateful that God provided me with this job and the opportunity to be a part of an environment (because I am the person that greets the children and parents first prior to seeing her) to make sure they feel welcomed with no judgements.
And after meeting with her, they have help expressing their Voice in a healthy way!!
Breaks for those that are lost running the other direction into arms of drugs, alcohol, guys, hate, anger, pushing those that care about them away; to only be isolated and alone, trapped in their own suffering trying to fight their way out to only go deeper into a dark and cold dungeon with no warmth no love no security no comfort no effort no willingness...destruction. It really tears my heart to listen to story after story of the brokenness and how lost those can get. Thinking they are running into safety and a blanket of protection or a self medicating protection or a blanket to repel others away with or a blanket of thinking that this is a way to be loved by another. Or those that are broken who are that once had their innocence to only be stolen by another and not by their choice and to have their voice taken from them. Stripped of who they were by not their choice, but by another's hands, by their words, by their actions, by their abandonment. They have lost their identity and replaced it with rejection, defeat, unworthy, betrayed, taken advantage of, shattered, shamed, guilty, deserted...My Heart Breaks and ask myself Why? Why does this happen not only to the victim, but by the person that is doing this, "what happened to them, what made them do this as well?"
My heart continues to break for those that are the victims and those that do the cruel and harsh things that people just don't want to see or even talk about and what goes on maybe even at their neighbors house. It breaks my heart to look at the children's eyes and just see brokenness and have experienced things that at that age they can never even wrap their eyes around not alone their emotions. Or figure out that their voice and choice that they have has been taken from them at a young age or at any age for that matter.
In this spiraling downward spiral of being victims we have a choice to voice and encourage those that feel stripped of their voice that they can stand firm and Voice their hearts cry. To not be quiet and let a day go by where this isn't being talked about and making others aware that it does go on at your next door neighbors, it happened to the little child at the grocery store, the little child at the park, the little child on the baseball field, on the soccer field, the little child in the bleachers, the child in the car next to you....It happens to more neighbors in your neighborhood, next door, in your town, city, state inside the United States as much as it happens outside of the country or just maybe in your family. It just isn't spoken about, because some don't want to admit it or be blinded by it because one may feel it's better to not see it so you don't become affected by what goes on.
We all have voices and all want to be heard so why not help Voice your Heart for those that haven't yet or just don't know how to because they never knew that they have one. A VOICE!!!
I have the privilege of working at the front office for a psychologist who works with the young and love to see the transformation that takes place from their first visit to the ones after to overcoming and walking through the trenches that most of us may never go through but to see them transform and grow to hear and know that they have A Voice!!! When they walk in the building and am greeted with a smile and can see in their eyes that they feel safe and a place of comfort to be themselves. To when she walks out to greet the child to have them run to her and give her a hug and can't wait to tell her about what they did that day and enjoy the time they have while they are there.
I am so honored and grateful that God provided me with this job and the opportunity to be a part of an environment (because I am the person that greets the children and parents first prior to seeing her) to make sure they feel welcomed with no judgements.
And after meeting with her, they have help expressing their Voice in a healthy way!!
A Voice!!!!
8.17.2010
"I am going to be her apprentice"
The Season for a Sweetly Beautiful Group Handpicked by God to unite together as Sisters in Christ!
My heart leaps and dances within as I got the text from Julia to tell me that "I am going to be her Apprentice"... Many thoughts have ran through my head seasons before that I wonder what it would look like for me to apprentice and lead a group of ladies that are so eager to learn just as much as I want too. I finally get the opportunity to do just that. Julia as the Leader and myself as her apprentice.
I am forever grateful and yet terrified at the same time with being nervous of talking in front of people (yeah I know I am a social butterfly, but it's nerve racking just the same; with thoughts of will they like me, will they understand me or even I don't know a lot, I am going to say it wrong or all eyes towards me and they are listening to what I have to say "what will they do with what I have said" ,etc.). I have realized that this is getting in the way of me doing God's work and it is getting in the way of sharing all God has done and continues to do for me, my family and others. Yet this verse helps me and is tattooed to my heart "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you" (1Peter 5:7) Fears are nasty they always get in the way of doing Gods work ... Fears can leave you paralyzed and uncomfortable. But with these verses tattooed to my heart "You , O Lord keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light. With your help I can advance against a troop, with my God I can scale a wall"
(Psalm 18:28-29)
Anything is Possible with God!!!
My Hearts desire is to gain more knowledge and truth of who God is and How he has uniquely touched each and every lady that we meet and connect with during this season.
"By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures" (Proverbs 24:3-4)
The treasure is relationships: Relationship with God, Relationship with Sisters in Christ...Plain old Relationships!! While building relationships with one another we will be able to share our life experiences, how we have Experienced God in our lives and also how we as a body can Experience God Together in a safe and comfortable environment where what we share is not taken outside the walls of our group. It will be a place where we can Share, Love, Laugh, Cry, Grow, Trust, Gain Knowledge and Understanding...Experience all these together with God at the core of each in everyone us and all around.
Looking forward to the Sweetly Beautiful Women that I get to Experience God With!!
My heart leaps and dances within as I got the text from Julia to tell me that "I am going to be her Apprentice"... Many thoughts have ran through my head seasons before that I wonder what it would look like for me to apprentice and lead a group of ladies that are so eager to learn just as much as I want too. I finally get the opportunity to do just that. Julia as the Leader and myself as her apprentice.
I am forever grateful and yet terrified at the same time with being nervous of talking in front of people (yeah I know I am a social butterfly, but it's nerve racking just the same; with thoughts of will they like me, will they understand me or even I don't know a lot, I am going to say it wrong or all eyes towards me and they are listening to what I have to say "what will they do with what I have said" ,etc.). I have realized that this is getting in the way of me doing God's work and it is getting in the way of sharing all God has done and continues to do for me, my family and others. Yet this verse helps me and is tattooed to my heart "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you" (1Peter 5:7) Fears are nasty they always get in the way of doing Gods work ... Fears can leave you paralyzed and uncomfortable. But with these verses tattooed to my heart "You , O Lord keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light. With your help I can advance against a troop, with my God I can scale a wall"
(Psalm 18:28-29)
Anything is Possible with God!!!
My Hearts desire is to gain more knowledge and truth of who God is and How he has uniquely touched each and every lady that we meet and connect with during this season.
"By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures" (Proverbs 24:3-4)
The treasure is relationships: Relationship with God, Relationship with Sisters in Christ...Plain old Relationships!! While building relationships with one another we will be able to share our life experiences, how we have Experienced God in our lives and also how we as a body can Experience God Together in a safe and comfortable environment where what we share is not taken outside the walls of our group. It will be a place where we can Share, Love, Laugh, Cry, Grow, Trust, Gain Knowledge and Understanding...Experience all these together with God at the core of each in everyone us and all around.
Looking forward to the Sweetly Beautiful Women that I get to Experience God With!!
3.04.2010
Clutter
Clutter: a confused or disorder state or collection, to fill or spread over in a disorderly manner, to make disorderly or hard to use by filling or covering with objects...
The day ended as I turned the light off in the bedroom and I tossed and turned and nuzzled my way into that perfect position or so I thought to only realize that my mind was going on another adventure to a world of clutter to a person's clutter in ones house and the difference of the clutter within it is not at all different then just that. Clutter
At the beginning of a new day I rise to wake to only realize that the pile of clothes that I had left in the corner is still there staring right back at me. To only say that I will get to you in a minute. To then walk down the hallway where I turn into the bathroom to stare at the mirror and say "seriously take a look at yourself your pitiful" to only soak it up and get ready for the day the best that I can. As I walk back out of the bedroom, passing by the pile of clothes which I added several new items to the pile after trying to find something to wear, to only realize that in the kitchen the dishes that are left in the sink from last nights dinner.
Though there are moments of cleaning house do we really clean house or do we do the minimal to one's eyes can see. To only go back to the cycle of the clutter and get into a routine of doing a half fast job of cleaning house.
As I embarked on the adventure my mind and deep within me, I realized that maybe the two where connected in more ways than one. Maybe one's pile of clothes that is sitting in a corner waiting to be put in its proper place is as the talk in the mirror was a reflection of the clothes in the corner and the dishes in the sink.
Taking care of one's body is to taking care of one's home they are both the same. To really feel nourished, taken care of, healthy is at times stressful. The stress of trying to look a certain way not feeling beautiful … unattractive. For awhile I felt I was beautiful and attractive but at this moment I don't, I had let go of myself. No matter the constant compliment that others give it doesn't ring truth from within. What happened? How I once felt beautiful it feels like a fix and not truth. I lost the rhythm of the song of truth as each word changes to clutter clutter clutter ugly ugly ugly fat fat fat gross gross gross...This is what is constantly in my mind though deep within I can feel the struggle of the truth trying to fight it's way to the top to overflow and radiate within ... out. I get one step forward of hearing that truth to only get pushed back, fall down and I just want to give up the fight at times. Why is that? It’s so much easier to give in and not fight back. Have you ever felt weak and no strength in any fiber of your being?
As one may think that they have no strength, I am being reminded of my strength which is in God, it comes from Him The Lord Almighty.
As I have been in this place of clutter this season...There is a picture perfect image staring at me as I enter my home...
The dishes piled, the table as if it were a place to hold onto all things except dinner, the bathroom with hair products on the counter, the towels waiting to be placed properly in there storage place, the bedroom one shirt after the other in several piles; some even color coded awaiting to be picked up, yet they only get picked up to be tried on to be taken off to only be thrown on the bed or in the opposite direction of the washing machine.
The word that is becoming louder in my head as I can see the word becoming Bolder and LARGER...ASK!!
Ask, What? "Heather you can't get this clutter cleaned up on your own, your needing help" SO I begin to wonder what that may look like, I could easily go and ask Ben for help and his help would be appreciated, but I have this tendency of when he does help, I go back over what he did, realizing that he placed something not its proper place, well the place that I believe to be its proper place. Why is that? Why do we tend to think that it can only be done one way only? We are two individuals yet still in the process of becoming one reminding oneself that we have different ways of doing things. We are still in the early stages of marriage haven't yet the year mark, but close...It comes with communication and understanding and speaking to one another with a loving heart and not a nagging heart.
Another thought is that I don't want to bother him (although I know I am not a bother, it's a thought that runs through my mind). So at times I don't even Ask him in fear of rejection. So I hide behind this fear, fear of rejection, and never to give him the opportunity to answer the question, Will you help me clean up this clutter?
It's at this moment I am asking the wrong person to help me clean up this clutter, remove the clutter, and even seed the clutter. I can't just clear away or clear off the clutter that is just removing from one's sight and not truly removing or disposing of the clutter.
This clutter I speak of is believing the lies of ugliness, not letting go, not confessing, blaming, gossiping, not forgiving, being selfish, getting my wants and not my needs.
I run to the Lord the one who will help me replace the lies of ugliness with truth that he finds me beautiful, He uses others to tell me I am beautiful. To let go and place before His feet, to not pick up. To confess to strip the pieces of clothing that is weighing me and not freeing me, the clothing that is as an elastic band cutting off circulation. To really walk blameless to not passing the blames on others and owning my blame. To remind one self not to gossip, to treat others as you would want to be treated. Giving the gift of Forgiveness as I was given. To not be selfish, share and give, to not hold up for one's self. To know that the wants are not what I am needing...
The Need is the One and Only By my side, The One of who Paid it All, The One That has Forgiven, The One Who is My Beloved, The One Who has Redeemed Me, Delivered Me...The One That Continues to Pursue me and Call Me Beautiful.
Lord Almighty I sit here crying out to be filled with the truth. To be filled with certainty of who You see me as and no other. Lord as well I sit here to be blanketed with protection and the help to drive out the ugly lies that I have listened to and have held onto instead of never picking those lies. Lord I lay down at your feet the lies that I have held onto for the past few months. Lord I know with you here I can do anything.
Lord Almighty, help me dispose of the seeds of lies that have been placed within, not just from sight but seed (remove) those lies and replace with seeds of Truth.
The day ended as I turned the light off in the bedroom and I tossed and turned and nuzzled my way into that perfect position or so I thought to only realize that my mind was going on another adventure to a world of clutter to a person's clutter in ones house and the difference of the clutter within it is not at all different then just that. Clutter
At the beginning of a new day I rise to wake to only realize that the pile of clothes that I had left in the corner is still there staring right back at me. To only say that I will get to you in a minute. To then walk down the hallway where I turn into the bathroom to stare at the mirror and say "seriously take a look at yourself your pitiful" to only soak it up and get ready for the day the best that I can. As I walk back out of the bedroom, passing by the pile of clothes which I added several new items to the pile after trying to find something to wear, to only realize that in the kitchen the dishes that are left in the sink from last nights dinner.
Though there are moments of cleaning house do we really clean house or do we do the minimal to one's eyes can see. To only go back to the cycle of the clutter and get into a routine of doing a half fast job of cleaning house.
As I embarked on the adventure my mind and deep within me, I realized that maybe the two where connected in more ways than one. Maybe one's pile of clothes that is sitting in a corner waiting to be put in its proper place is as the talk in the mirror was a reflection of the clothes in the corner and the dishes in the sink.
Taking care of one's body is to taking care of one's home they are both the same. To really feel nourished, taken care of, healthy is at times stressful. The stress of trying to look a certain way not feeling beautiful … unattractive. For awhile I felt I was beautiful and attractive but at this moment I don't, I had let go of myself. No matter the constant compliment that others give it doesn't ring truth from within. What happened? How I once felt beautiful it feels like a fix and not truth. I lost the rhythm of the song of truth as each word changes to clutter clutter clutter ugly ugly ugly fat fat fat gross gross gross...This is what is constantly in my mind though deep within I can feel the struggle of the truth trying to fight it's way to the top to overflow and radiate within ... out. I get one step forward of hearing that truth to only get pushed back, fall down and I just want to give up the fight at times. Why is that? It’s so much easier to give in and not fight back. Have you ever felt weak and no strength in any fiber of your being?
As one may think that they have no strength, I am being reminded of my strength which is in God, it comes from Him The Lord Almighty.
As I have been in this place of clutter this season...There is a picture perfect image staring at me as I enter my home...
The dishes piled, the table as if it were a place to hold onto all things except dinner, the bathroom with hair products on the counter, the towels waiting to be placed properly in there storage place, the bedroom one shirt after the other in several piles; some even color coded awaiting to be picked up, yet they only get picked up to be tried on to be taken off to only be thrown on the bed or in the opposite direction of the washing machine.
The word that is becoming louder in my head as I can see the word becoming Bolder and LARGER...ASK!!
Ask, What? "Heather you can't get this clutter cleaned up on your own, your needing help" SO I begin to wonder what that may look like, I could easily go and ask Ben for help and his help would be appreciated, but I have this tendency of when he does help, I go back over what he did, realizing that he placed something not its proper place, well the place that I believe to be its proper place. Why is that? Why do we tend to think that it can only be done one way only? We are two individuals yet still in the process of becoming one reminding oneself that we have different ways of doing things. We are still in the early stages of marriage haven't yet the year mark, but close...It comes with communication and understanding and speaking to one another with a loving heart and not a nagging heart.
Another thought is that I don't want to bother him (although I know I am not a bother, it's a thought that runs through my mind). So at times I don't even Ask him in fear of rejection. So I hide behind this fear, fear of rejection, and never to give him the opportunity to answer the question, Will you help me clean up this clutter?
It's at this moment I am asking the wrong person to help me clean up this clutter, remove the clutter, and even seed the clutter. I can't just clear away or clear off the clutter that is just removing from one's sight and not truly removing or disposing of the clutter.
This clutter I speak of is believing the lies of ugliness, not letting go, not confessing, blaming, gossiping, not forgiving, being selfish, getting my wants and not my needs.
I run to the Lord the one who will help me replace the lies of ugliness with truth that he finds me beautiful, He uses others to tell me I am beautiful. To let go and place before His feet, to not pick up. To confess to strip the pieces of clothing that is weighing me and not freeing me, the clothing that is as an elastic band cutting off circulation. To really walk blameless to not passing the blames on others and owning my blame. To remind one self not to gossip, to treat others as you would want to be treated. Giving the gift of Forgiveness as I was given. To not be selfish, share and give, to not hold up for one's self. To know that the wants are not what I am needing...
The Need is the One and Only By my side, The One of who Paid it All, The One That has Forgiven, The One Who is My Beloved, The One Who has Redeemed Me, Delivered Me...The One That Continues to Pursue me and Call Me Beautiful.
Lord Almighty I sit here crying out to be filled with the truth. To be filled with certainty of who You see me as and no other. Lord as well I sit here to be blanketed with protection and the help to drive out the ugly lies that I have listened to and have held onto instead of never picking those lies. Lord I lay down at your feet the lies that I have held onto for the past few months. Lord I know with you here I can do anything.
Lord Almighty, help me dispose of the seeds of lies that have been placed within, not just from sight but seed (remove) those lies and replace with seeds of Truth.
I ask you this, what are the things that Clutter your home, your heart?